Defining Myself

Since reaching my weight loss goal (and leaving my husband), I have been taking time to discover who I really am. I have spent so many years molding and shaping my likes and dislikes around others that I lost track of myself. I always felt like I had to like what others liked or they wouldn't accept me.

When I look back, it sickens me that I gave up so much of me for the sake of someone else who, in the end, was never worth the sacrifice. I didn't realize just how much I gave up until I started spending time alone with myself.

It is natural for our tastes to change over time but the core of us typically remains in tact. I allowed my core to be buried because I was made to believe that what I liked was wrong if it didn't align with others.

If I really dig deep, I probably convinced myself of this belief when I was a young girl.

I wanted to fit in.

I wanted people to look beyond my weight.

Something in me has finally changed and I will no longer defend anything that helps define who I am. People can either accept me or reject me but I refuse to change for anyone again...ever. Period.

As of today, the following (in complete random order) is what I know, love, and, more importantly, accept about myself.

• I believe in God
• I have sinned...a lot
• I know I am saved
• When I see an ambulance or fire truck racing past me, I pray for the people they are going to help
• I am a tomboy at heart but I am always a lady
• I will put a dress on for work but you will find me wearing jeans and an old t-shirt or jersey on the weekends
• I do not have to put on a ton of make-up and dress up to impress anyone when I go grocery shopping
• I have high heeled shoes but I prefer to wear flats
• I love my Converse chucks
• I love my flip flops more
• I don't have to drink in order to have a good time
• I like Malibu Rum and Pineapple juice or shots of ice cold Patron when I choose to drink
• I don't like beer (but I like apple ale or root beer, beer)
• I am a coffee snob
• I love to people watch
• I love to laugh...a lot...
• I prefer the window seat on a plane
• A single, hand-picked flower will get you farther with me than the most expensive bouquet
• I tear up and/or cry when watching anything that tugs at my heartstrings
• I love to watch sports (especially football) and I yell at the TV when I watch it
• I sing along to the music in my car but I do not do it well
• I can sit outside at night next to a bonfire and gaze up at the stars for hours
• I love the smell of the air after it rains
• I love how the earth becomes silent when the snow falls
• I prefer to watch the snow fall at night
• I love music
• I believe music can bring people closer together
• My iPod does not discriminate and I have genres ranging from Christian to Rap
• My heart has a hankerin' for southern country rock
• I say things like "hankerin'", "eh" and "neat, neat toilet seat"
• My favorite saying is "that's funny"
• A man playing the fiddle makes me weak in the knees
• A man playing the guitar makes me weak in the heart
• I am a sucker for hot chocolate
• I am an even bigger sucker for popcorn
• I love to cook for others but won't cook for myself
• When I drank soda, I was a Coke girl
• I grew up saying 'pop' but for some reason, I now say 'soda'
• I like onions
• I love onion rings
• When I want to taste something that I shouldn't eat, like onion rings, I have been known to take a bite, chew it up really good and then spit it out (don't judge me...it takes more will power to spit it out after you start chewing)
• I am a weener when it comes to spicy food
• I have taken more than one swig right out of the milk jug
• I don't need a doctor to tell me I have A.D.D....
• Oh, look! A chicken...
• I don't like big parties (unless it is family)
• I have voted for both political parties
• Don't ask me to talk politics
• I own a Smith & Wesson M&P Compact .40 caliber pistol
• I like to go to the gun range
• I can hit my target
• My favorite movie of all time is "At Close Range"
• I will call or message a friend just to say hi
• I love it when people call or message me to say hi
• I read the entire Twilight series in five days (Team Edward)
• I read the 50 Shades series in four (Laters baby)
• I love to read
• I love to write
• I am writing a book
• It is my hope to inspire others with my story

Until next time my friends...live your life as you want to live it. Don't live a lie. Be honest - with yourself and with others. Be outspoken. Embrace yourself. Embrace others. Don't let go...