The Problem with Being Superwoman

Despite having Superwoman powers, I am human and can only take so much pressure.

My inner motivational speaker is trying to tell me to “suck it up bitch” but I have reached the point where even as I type this, I have crocodile tears rolling down my cheeks. And, I am currently in flight…with a stranger sitting beside me who is probably wondering how the heck he ended up sitting next to the crazy lady on the plane. Poor guy.

Lately, I have been extremely overwhelmed with various emotions.

Work.

Home.

Men.

Life in general.

All of the above are weighing heavy on my mind right now.

I have no doubt that I was created to inspire and motivate others and I will continue to figure out what I am supposed to do with my “purpose”.

I have been waiting for a “Captain Obvious” sign but I haven’t seen it yet.

I am not a patient person. I am learning though. I am learning to let things happen as they are supposed to and not force them.

That has been a hard lesson to learn in my weight loss journey. To be patient.

When people start a new diet or plan to get fit, they expect instant results.

We didn’t gain our weight overnight so we cannot expect it to come off overnight.

Patience is the key to weight loss success.

That and holding yourself accountable.

Yes, I can workout 1.5 hours a day. Climb 200 flights of stairs. Row 20,000 meters.

But none of that matters if I go home and down a bag of chips or consume handfuls of chocolate chips.

My inner motivational speaker screamed, “CUT THE SHIT, DAWN”.

When I started back at the gym four months ago, I had to stop lying to myself about my eating habits.

I started holding myself accountable.

Patience and accountability is what has helped me lose 39 pounds over the past four months.

I have to use this same way of thinking about all of the emotions I have been bottling up. I know I didn’t bottle all of them up at once and even though I may be able to pour them all out at the same time, I still have to clean up the mess.

For as long as I can remember, I have been a very strong woman.

I am determined.

I am persistent.

I push though and persevere.

If I want something, I’m not afraid to go after it.

I am not afraid to speak up or offer my opinion.

I don't let anyone stand in my way.

I am the girl who, despite wanting to fall down on the ground kicking and screaming, will look you dead in the eye and with a smile on my face will tell you that everything is good.

Once upon a time, someone called me selfish. I think I am the least selfish person I know.

I am the girl who is there for everyone when no one else is.

I am the girl who will answer the phone at 2:43 in the morning when a friend needs to talk. Or needs a ride. Or just needs someone to listen.

I am the girl who holds people together when they are falling apart.

I am Superwoman.

Cook, bake, fix something, build something, put a bandaid on it, you name it…I’m there for everyone.

The problem I face by being this strong, independent woman is I don’t have anyone who can hold me together when I am the one falling apart.

Not because I don’t have friends or family that care because I have many.

I just don’t like to bother people with my issues.

I would rather push my own problems aside and help others with theirs.

Even though I wear my heart on my sleeve, I don’t want others to see that I have a weak side.

All I know is right now, I feel like I am falling apart.

I am not depressed.

I do not need counseling.

I wake up every day and I choose to be happy. Because, I believe that it IS a choice.

I just need a break.

I need to refocus my energy.

Starting the moment I land, I am officially on vacation. I am taking one of the six weeks of vacation I have stockpiled and I am going to focus on ME.

I will hang up my Superwoman cape for a few days.

I will go to the gym twice a day to burn off excess emotions (and let me tell you…a good workout is one of THE best ways to lift your spirits and kill whatever negative energy you may have flowing through your bloodstream).

I will NOT feel sorry for myself BUT I will allow myself to cry if the tears start to flow.

I will work on my book.

I will focus on my goals.

I will focus on being patient.

I will continue to hold myself accountable.

Life’s kryptonite has temporarily weakened my powers but I have no doubt that after this week is over, I will be back stronger than ever before and my cape will have new colors.

I got this.